REF - Referee or Marm (said MAM) or Madam. It is a pleasant situation that in Rugby in both codes the referee is highly respected and in the past before female referees and officials were involved everyone playing the games referred to the referee as "sir". They still do today (now that's a note of respect ) This is why females are referred to as Madam etc.
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As long as you're being polite, there is no right or wrong answer. I answer to "Sir" as I am often the only female referee the guys I referee have ever seen - they're not being rude, they just have years of only having male refs. Some females prefer their name or "Miss/Ma'am" - as a school teacher "Miss" on the rugby filed gives me the horrors.
Males are called either, referee, ref of most frequently sir. Females are called either ref, referee, or marm