What two things are illegal in a soccer game?

Answer 1

The Laws of the Game, published periodically by FIFA, govern what is legal and illegal in soccer. Generally, if it is not explicitly disallowed, then it is allowed. However, as the laws state, the referee has the final say in all points connected to the game. The following acts are currently illegal in soccer:

• Handling the ball during play (except a goalkeeper within his own penalty area).
• Kicking, striking, tripping, pushing, charging, holding, obstructing, spitting, tackling, or jumping at an opponent in a careless, reckless, or dangerous manner.
• Attempting to kick, strike, trip, push, charge, hold, spit, or jump at an opponent.
• Using abusive, offensive, or insulting language and gestures.
• Dissent of the referee or the game by word or action.
• Delaying the restart of play.
• Failing to respect the required 10-yard distance from kick-offs, corner kicks, penalty kicks, and free kicks.
• Failing to respect the required 2-yard distance from throw-ins.
• Encroaching on the penalty area during a penalty kick or goal kick.
• Being in an offside position and playing the ball, interfering with play, or gaining an advantage from that position.
• Entering or exiting the field without the referee's permission (except as part of normal play).
• Anything that the referee deems unsportsmanlike.
• Using a ball or field that does not fit within the parameters established in the Laws.
• Using equipment not authorized by the Laws.
• Failure to use all required equipment.
• Taking a free kick, corner kick, goal kick, kick-off, penalty kick, or throw-in in a manner inconsistent with the Laws.
• Playing in a dangerous manner.
• Removing your jersey or covering your face with any sort of mask or clothing as a goal celebration.
• Making any sort of marks on the field other than those authorized.
• Remaining on or near the field after having been sent off.
• Changing jerseys with the goalkeeper without the referee's permission.
• Substituting or being substituted without the referee's permission.
• Having more than 11 or fewer than 7 players on the field during play.
• Throwing any object, including water bottles, on or off the field or at any person.

There are probably more, and I'm sure they'll be added to the list. But that's a pretty good start.

Answer 2

Fouling and handballs