How do you rekindle your love again after 14 years of marriage?

Answer 1

This is not as complicated as it seems. Over time people grow and learn and continue to develop new interests. This is normal. After a period of time, some people find that the directino of growth - which we have very little control over - has gone in directions that lead people apart instead of together. The best way to address this is to just sit down and make a new list of the things that you are both passionate about. Things you want to do, hopes, dreams, etc. They will have changed over the years. It is VERY important that you are both totally honest. Do not hold back for fear of hurting the other's feelings because the other may have exactly the same feelings as you on something and if you both hid it to keep from hurting the other, you could BOTH miss out! Once the list is complete, go through it and find the common things. You may find out things like "I had no idea you wanted to take up roller skating! I always wanted to do that too!" Finding common ground is important. If you are interested in politics and hate sports while your spouse is the other way around, what do you talk about? The weather? When you have nothing to talk about, you cannot share yourself with someone and vice versa. When the sharing ends, trouble begins. For many people, common ground can be as simple as raising children or caring for elderly parents, remodeling homes, starting a business together, or just having great sex. Occasionally, you may find no common ground. A couple who used to love to dance, watch football, and go to movies may now have one partner who likes to garden, write, and decorate while the other prefers to travel, boat, and skydive. You'll have to work extra hard here. You can try to combine things like "lets' go on a trip" and plan to visit a nursery with exotic floriage while you are out. Or maybe try writing about skydiving. Try to blend the things together if possible. When things are very far apart and it's impossible to find common ground, it's time to make some decisions. Either of you holding the other back will simply cause resentment. You have to be true to yourself and love yourself before you can give love to others. At this point you either need to divorce, or accept that you have no common ground and pass the time. If this happens to be the case, don't worry. Nothing is permanent. Eventually the two of you will grow and change even more and maybe further into the future you'll find comon ground again - like grandparenting, or worrying over medical conditions! lol Good luck to you. I wish you the best.